my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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