xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
