There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize