he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
