are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
