you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
