Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
