No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
