I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
