the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
