Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
But theres a keg here and me gusta
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
