you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
