What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
