Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Randomize
