we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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