So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
