oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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