I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
