I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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