Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
