FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
