Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
