No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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