He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize