I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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