I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
