She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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