HIV tests are more positive than that guy
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
