new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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