I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
