she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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