somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
