fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
