Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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