Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
it was like eating out sand paper
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
