i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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