my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
