I'm drive I can fine osifer
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
