Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I wish you could order shots online.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize