just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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