she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
