There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
