Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
