he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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