I can text with my tongue
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
