In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
