you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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