this beer tastes like vomit already
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
