so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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