I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
