He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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