it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
