It was confusing and full of hummus
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
