I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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