People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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