How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
