Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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