I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
