God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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