Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
