laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
