Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
