he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
