I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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