I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
