she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
